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What is Domestic Violence?

Domestic Violence Abuse Might Include:

  • Hitting, shoving, slapping, kicking, punching, or strangling you.

  • Threatening to hurt or kill you.

  • Calling you names or telling you that you are crazy.

  • Criticizing things you do or say, or criticizing how you look.

  • Hurting your pets or destroying things special to you.

  • Blaming you for the abuse he or she commits.

  • Limiting where you can go, what you can do, and who you can talk to.

  • Unexpectedly checking up on you at your workplace, home, school, or elsewhere.

  • Forcing you to have sex against your will.

  • Apologizing and telling you it will never happen again (even though it already has).

Source: WebMD

Candle in Hands
Yellow Flower

Warning Signs

Does your spouse or significant other exhibit the following behaviors?

  • Embarrass, belittle or put you down?

  • Say hurtful things to you?

  • Dislike your friends and family and discourage your relationships with others?

  • Make all the decisions in the relationship?

  • Chastise you after social functions for talking with other people?

  • Act jealous of people you talk to?

  • Blame you for his or her mistakes?

  • Try to make you feel worthless or helpless?

  • Forbid or prevent you from working or going to school?

  • Keep money, credit cards, and checking accounts away from you?

  • Control access to your medicines or medical devices?

  • Threaten to have you deported?

  • Throw dishes or other objects?

  • Abuse your children or pet when mad at you?

  • Push, slap, kick, or otherwise assault you?

  • Demand sex, make you perform sexual acts you are not comfortable with, or sexually assault you?

If any of these behaviors are occurring, you need to seek help immediately.

Abuser profile

Recognizing the general tendencies of an abuser

  • Has an uncontrolled temper.

  • Has a very short fuse and becomes immediately angry.

  • Has poor coping skills.

  • Can be unreasonable and demanding at times.

  • Can give double messages…pendulum swings from loving to abusive.

  • Denies that the abuse has occurred or makes light of a violent episode.

  • Blames the victim, other people or outside events for the violent attack.

  • Abusers don’t act because they are “out of control.”

  • Abusers choose to respond to a situation violently.

  • They are making a conscious decision to behave in a violent manner.

  • They know what they’re doing and what they want from their victims.

  • They are not acting out of anger.

  • They are not reacting to stress.

  • Prone to extreme jealousy.

  • Expresses remorse and begs for forgiveness with seemingly loving gestures.

  • Can be hard workers and good providers.

  • Can be witty, charming, attractive and intelligent.

  • A background involving physical, emotional or sexual abuse and abandonment issues.

  • Unrealistic expectations of a relationship. (To “fix” them or solve their problems.)

  • Isolation and antisocial temperament.

  • Recklessness. (dangerous sexual behavior, reckless driving, drug use etc.)

  • Inability to accept responsibility for their behavior and actions, even in the face of dire consequences.

  • Cruelty to children and animals.

  • Threats of violence.

  • Low self-esteem, shame.

  • Inability to respect interpersonal boundaries, a compulsion to violate boundaries.

  • Emotional volatility – fear of being “out of control”.

  • Need for power and control to compensate for the above.

  • Abuse generally escalates when the partner leaves.

Many of the characteristics above are documented trauma based adaptations to childhood emotional, physical and sexual abuse.

Statistics

  • South Carolina ranks first in the nation for domestic violence-related homicides (up from 7th in 2011 and 2nd in 2012). (source: Violence Policy Center, 2013)

  • Charleston County ranked #1 in the state for domestic violence victims from 1991 – 2004

  • From 1991 – 2004 there were 650,833 domestic violence offenses and 1,471 domestic violence deaths reported in the state

  • Approximately 4,318 women and children are sheltered in the state and 16,380 women are receiving non-shelter services: counseling, advocacy and community education

  • From 2005 – 2009 in South Carolina, there were: 442 domestic homicides, 6,476 acts of domestic sexual violence, and 272,763 different types of domestic violence related incidents.

  • The domestic violence victimization rate in South Carolina dropped 23.3% from 148.7 per 10,000 in 2005 to 114.1 per 10,000 in 2009.

  • Domestic victim to offender relationships in South Carolina were reported among 40.8% of all violent crime victims from 2005 through 2009.

Sources: US Uniform Crime Reports, 2008; South Carolina Department of Public Safety, 2008; “The Rule of Thumb: A Five Year Overview of Domestic Violence in South Carolina, 2005-2009”, www.scdps.gov, February 2011

Safety Plans:

Empowering Steps to Protect Yourself

When facing domestic violence, having a clear safety plan can empower you to take control and protect yourself and your loved ones. Below are practical and proactive strategies tailored for various situations.

In an Emergency

If you are being threatened or attacked at home:

  • Move to a safer area away from potential weapons (like the kitchen) and small, confined spaces where escape may be difficult.

  • Head to a room with a door or window for a quick exit and, if possible, access to a phone.

  • Lock the abuser outside if you can and call 911 or your local emergency number immediately. Remember to ask for the dispatcher’s name.

  • Have a trusted neighbor or friend you can turn to for immediate help.

  • When police arrive, provide detailed information about what happened. Note their name and badge number.

  • Seek medical attention for any injuries and document them with photos.

  • Reach out to a domestic violence shelter or program to get personalized assistance and develop a safety plan tailored to your needs.

Home interior design

How to Protect Yourself at Home

  • Familiarize yourself with local resources and memorize emergency numbers.

  • Keep a phone accessible in a room that locks from the inside or consider getting a cellphone to carry at all times.

  • If the abuser no longer lives with you, change your locks and add window security measures.

  • Plan and practice an escape route, and share it with your children.

  • Inform trusted neighbors and arrange a signal for them to call the police if they suspect danger (e.g., a specific light pattern or phone ring).

  • Prepare an emergency bag with essentials, such as cash, car keys, legal documents, medications, and other personal items. Store it safely or entrust it to someone reliable.

  • Consider blocking caller ID and screening calls with an answering machine.

How to Keep Your Children Safer

How to Stay Safer Outside the Home

  • Teach your children safety strategies, like staying out of conflicts and knowing when and how to call 911.

  • Ensure they can provide your address and phone number to emergency responders.

  • Share a copy of your court order with schools or daycare providers and instruct them not to release your children without your consent.

  • Provide a photo of the abuser and a password for verification to the school.

  • Make sure your children know who to approach for help at school if they feel unsafe.

  • Alter your daily routines, including travel routes, shopping locations, and banking habits.

  • Close any shared accounts and open new ones at a different bank.

  • Always carry your court order and emergency contacts with you.

  • Keep a cell phone handy and program it with emergency numbers.

How to Stay Safe at Work

  • Provide a copy of your court order to your workplace security and trusted colleagues.

  • Share a photo of the abuser with security personnel.

  • Work with supervisors to enhance your safety, such as changing your work schedule or location.

  • Avoid going to lunch alone and request a security escort to your vehicle or public transportation.

  • Document any contact from the abuser, including voicemails and emails.

  • Explore community resources with your employer’s assistance.

Empower Yourself with Knowledge and Support

You are not alone, and help is available. Each step you take toward safety is a step toward reclaiming your life. For additional support and personalized guidance, reach out to a domestic violence organization in your area. Together, we can build a future free from fear.

Using the Law to Empower Yourself

The legal system can be a powerful tool to protect your safety and reclaim your independence. Here are steps to take and options available to help you navigate this process confidently:

Obtaining Protection or Restraining Orders

  • Reach out to your local police department or victim advocate for guidance on obtaining a civil protection order. They can also assist with criminal prosecution if necessary.

  • Seek support in finding a lawyer to represent your needs and ensure your voice is heard.

A judge can issue orders to:

  • Require the abuser to stay away from you, your children, or your home.

  • Grant you temporary custody of your children and order child support.

  • Allow police supervision while the abuser retrieves personal belongings.

  • Award you possession of your car, furniture, and other belongings.

  • Mandate the abuser to attend a batterer intervention program.

  • Prohibit the abuser from contacting you at work or carrying firearms.

Ensuring Your Safety Through the Legal Process

If you have concerns about safety during custody or visitation:

  • Share any pictures of injuries or evidence with the judge to support your case.

  • Express your fears about the abuser coming to your home to pick up the children.

  • Request that exchanges of the children occur at a safe, neutral location, like a police station.

  • Ask for specific visitation times to ensure enforcement by law enforcement if necessary.

  • Inform the judge if the abuser has harmed or threatened your children and request supervised visits.

Important: Always keep a certified copy of the court order with you for immediate reference and protection.

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Navigating Criminal Proceedings

To strengthen your case during a hearing:

  • Share your court orders and any medical records or photos of injuries with the prosecutor.

  • Provide the names of witnesses or anyone assisting you, such as a victim advocate or lawyer.

  • Ask the prosecutor to notify you in advance if the abuser is being released from jail.

You Are Not Alone

Remember, the legal process is designed to protect you and provide the resources you need to build a safer future. With the right support and preparation, you can use the law to regain control of your life and ensure your safety and that of your loved ones. Reach out to a local domestic violence organization for assistance every step of the way.

Need Help Now?

For Law Enforcement

City of Charleston Police Department

(843) 720-3031
(843) 720-2425

Need Help Now?

Other Victim’s Assistance

211 Hotline
My Sister’s House

(843) 744-3242
1-800-273-HOPE

Teen Dating Violence: Recognizing, Preventing, and Empowering Change

Teen dating violence is a serious issue, affecting one in three teenagers. It occurs when one partner uses abuse to gain power and control over the other. This form of violence cuts across all racial, economic, and social lines. While anyone can be a victim, young women are at higher risk for serious injury. Understanding the signs of abuse and knowing how to create a safety plan can empower teens to build healthy, respectful relationships.

Understanding Teen Dating Violence

Teen dating violence often remains hidden because teens may:

  • Lack experience in dating relationships.

  • Face peer pressure to act aggressively.

  • Seek independence from parents.

  • Hold “romanticized” views of love.

Abuse can take many forms, including physical, emotional, verbal, or sexual. It’s critical to recognize that dating violence is never the victim’s fault.

How Perceptions Shape Teen Dating Violence

Young men may believe:

  • They have the right to control their partners.

  • Aggressiveness is part of being “masculine.”

  • They “own” their partner.

  • Intimacy is something to demand, not share.

  • Attentiveness or supportiveness diminishes their masculinity.

Young women may believe:

  • It’s their responsibility to fix relationship problems.

  • Jealousy, possessiveness, or even physical abuse is “romantic.”

  • Abuse is “normal” because their peers experience it too.

  • They have no one to turn to for help.

By challenging these harmful beliefs and learning about respect, teens can make better choices and form healthier relationships.

Recognizing the Warning Signs

Early warning signs of an abusive relationship:

  • Extreme jealousy or controlling behavior.

  • Quick involvement in the relationship.

  • Unpredictable mood swings or explosive anger.

  • Isolation from friends and family.

  • Use of force during arguments.

  • Rigid beliefs about gender roles.

  • Threats of violence or cruelty to animals/children.

Signs a teen may be experiencing dating violence:

  • Unexplained injuries or changes in behavior.

  • Dropping grades, truancy, or isolation from friends.

  • Emotional outbursts or increased use of drugs/alcohol.

  • Pregnancy or sudden personality changes.

Dating Safety Tips for Teens

  • Double-date initially: Go out with friends to stay safer while getting to know someone.

  • Share your plans: Let someone you trust know where you’re going and when to expect you back.

  • Be aware of substances: Alcohol and drugs can impair your ability to react.

  • Communicate your whereabouts: Inform a friend or family member if you leave with someone unfamiliar.

  • Be assertive: Speak up and set boundaries in your relationships.

  • Trust your instincts: If something feels wrong, find a safe way to exit the situation.

Creating a Safety Plan

Planning ahead can save your life. Here’s how to create your own safety strategy:

Who can support you?

  • Identify trusted adults, teachers, or school counselors who can help.

  • Let friends know about the situation so they can support you.

What steps can you take?

  • Change your school route, locker, or lock if needed.

  • Use a buddy system for going to and from school or activities.

  • Keep emergency contact numbers, a journal of incidents, and a copy of any restraining orders with you.

  • Replace or change numbers for devices given to you by the abuser.

Where can you go?

  • Identify safe locations you can go to if you need to get away quickly.

  • Keep spare cash, calling cards, or a charged phone handy for emergencies.

Young Woman Making Notes

You Deserve Respect

Every teen deserves to feel valued, respected, and safe in their relationships. Learning the signs of abuse, building safety plans, and reaching out for support are empowering steps toward breaking the cycle of violence. If you or someone you know is experiencing dating violence, help is available. Reach out to a trusted adult, friend, or local organization today.

Teen Dating Statistics

  • About one in three high school students have been or will be involved in an abusive relationship.

  • Forty percent of teenage girls ages 14 to 17 say they know someone their age who has been hit or beaten by a boyfriend.

  • In one study, from 30 to 50 percent of female high school students reported having already experienced teen dating violence.

  • Teen dating violence most often takes place in the home of one of the partners.

  • In 1995, 7 percent of all murder victims were young women who were killed by their boyfriends.

  • One in five or 20 percent of dating couples report some type of violence in their relationship.

  • One of five college females will experience some form of dating violence.

  • A survey of 500 young women, ages 15 to 24, found that 60 percent were currently involved in an ongoing abusive relationship and all participants had experienced violence in a dating relationship.

  • One study found that 38 percent of date rape victims were young women from 14 to 17 years of age.

  • A survey of adolescent and college students revealed that date rape accounted for 67 percent of sexual assaults.

  • More than half young women raped (68 percent) knew their rapist either as a boyfriend, friend or casual acquaintance.

  • Six out of 10 rapes of young women occur in their own home or a friend or relative’s home, not in a dark alley.

  • More than 4 in every 10 incidents of domestic violence involves non-married persons

Bureau of Justice Special Report: Intimate Partner Violence, May 2000

Additional Resources

LoveIsRespect.org

Loveisrespect is a new 24-hour resource that utilizes telephone and web-based interactive technology to reach teens and young adults experiencing dating abuse. The Helpline numbers are: (866) 331-9474 and TTY (866) 331-8453. The peer-to-peer online individual chat function is available from 4 p.m. to midnight and can be accessed from the website.

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